In Case I Have Forgotten How To Write

Apologize to God and the Universe at large, but I had to do the things that I have done. I did not know that broken hands and a broken mind would lead me to insanity, but communication is the key to life, and without a way to communicate with my hands and my words, I have nothing left. Without the ability to take what is in my mind, send it out through my fingertips, and onto a page, there is not much of me. So apologize to God and the Universe at large. Tell my father that I am proud of him, my mother that I forgive her, and my sister that I wish I knew her better. Tell my family and my friends that I love them more than words permit, but they can not quiet the riot inside of my
head. Tell the man I love to move on, look forward, look up. Tell him that the sun is bright, and never forget it is there, even if a few clouds are in the way. Tell him I love him and I am sorry we never got the chance to dance. Take my journals, read them in parks, to the birds and to the children playing hopscotch. Read them to anyone who will listen and tell them to never take advantage of the things we learn in kindergarten. Tell them to finger paint a masterpiece, a portrait of themselves, or of the most beautiful person they have ever seen. Give them my walls and ask them to decorate them in colors they've never seen. Tell them to write poetry on the interior of my life, open it as a museum of the world. A museum of all the things we've never thought of before. Of all of life. Tell the dinosaurs that I will soon be joining them, in a land before time, in a place without darkness and without light. Tell all of society to stop bothering with pants and go naked, we are all the same, something that we should have learned by now.
Thank everyone I have ever known, I have ever thought of, I have ever seen. It is such a shame to be leaving with so much left to say, but I have forgotten how to write. I am a farmer with no farm, a mother with no child, a man with no wife. I am incomplete and forgotten, although I am thankful for the life I have lived. In the case that I have forgotten how to write, write for me. Apologize and thank. Remind them I will miss them. Tell them I love them. Write that which I can not. And never forget to breathe.

In Case I Have Forgotten How To Think

Take my brain, I won't need it anymore. Examine it until you learn how to fix a broken heart. Apologize to my mother because I always yelled and apologize to my father for never opening my mind. Apologize to my sister because I really do love her and I never did tell her enough. Apologize to the man I love for crying. For screaming. For blaming it all on him. Apologize to my children that I never got to have. Take my heart, I won't need it anymore. Give it to someone with a strong mind worthy of a strong heart. Leave my fingers and my hands with me. Apologize to the planet because I never got to save Her and apologize to God for never believing enough. Send my best wishes everyone I never got to meet. It is such a shame to have missed out on so many people. Go to Paris for me. Go to Big Sur for me. Mostly go to New Zealand for me, I think I really would have loved it there. Tell Andrew Vanwyngarded and Zach Condon that I am so sad to never have met them, but I did get to see them up close once or twice. I will love them long after I have forgotten how to think. Give everything I own, although its not much, to a girl who gave up on believing. Find her somewhere, anywhere, and remind her that Life is the most amazing thing she will ever experience, if only she knew how.
Thank my mother and my father for the thoughts they allowed me to have. They were interesting and strange and I loved everyone of them. Thank everyone who taught me anything. Learning was the greatest thing I ever accomplished and I am sorry to have lost it all.

Oh how I Wish

My brain would stop melting. (metaphorically)

In Case I Have Forgotten How To Speak

Tell my mother that I love her and that I would tell her myself if I could. Tell my father thank you, so very much, for the voice you allowed me to have. Although I have lost it I will never forget the importance of a long conversation and an even longer song. Tell my sister, and the rest of our band of gypsies, I will miss the music that we made. The only instrument I can play are the vocal cords that I have forgotten how to strum, so I hope they play on without me, the band of gypsies that is. Explain to the world that I wish I could join their greatest slam poetry team, there's a lot going on inside me. Tell Emerson College that I suppose they don't need me anymore, and that is such a shame. Remind the stage that I'll miss it and perhaps I'll be back for Arsenic and Old Lace done in sign language, if there's a spot for me. I'd like to keep my tongue because although I'm sure there are better uses for it, I do enjoy the taste of treacle tart from time to time. Apologize to my lungs for all of the smoke I will be inhaling. If there is no voice left to save, fill me up with Nicotine and THC, pump them through my veins as if I am a dragon needing fuel to continue breathing fire. Tell Oprah that if I ever get to meet her, I wouldn't mind having an interview, I could simply write all my responses down. I think we'd really get along.
Thank, thank, and thank some more thanks to everyone, and I do mean Everyone, who had a part in shaping and changing my ability to write. Thank my father for storytelling and my mother for listening. Thank my sister for giving me something to talk about. Thank my kindergarten teacher and Father Time for almost curing a bad case of dyslexia, I ma hcum retteb ffo naht I saw erofeb. Thank the creator of pencils and the ball-point pen. Give a thousand thanks to the creators of Mole Skin and Papirus. I can't wait to dig in.
Please, say all of the words that I can not. Please sing all of the songs that I can not. Please teach all of the children that I can not. Please soothe all of the souls that I can not.
And thank yourself.




Well goddamn, the world freaks me out sometimes! It messes with the inner workings of my head.

Everything I Don't Want.

Take me there.

Take a piece of my mind. I have far too much.
Enough to go around
And then some.

Or there.

Anywhere but here.

In Case I Have Forgotten How To Stand

Give regards to my mother for the legs she has given me and the time I have spent with them. Regards to my father for my feet. I have a full set of ten toes, no more, no less, and I appreciate it. Tell my uncle I still tip my hat to him although I can not give him a standing ovation for the food I have been fed. It was all quite magnificent. Please tell the Disney Company I would still love to play Snow White, if they don't mind a little twist in the series of events. Tell the man I love that I'll write, I couldn't bear to have him see me like this. Broken, if only just a bit. Please inform the school that I won't be attending. Its a shame, but I would hide my face and cry when everyone said that They Were Sorry. Tell those who can't speak, I feel for them. Tell those you can't hear, I feel for them. Tell those who can't see, I feel for them. Tell those who can't move, I feel for them. Tell children, under the age of 1, I feel for them. Tell those who can't feel, tell them they are fools, and that they don't know what they're missing. Call my job and tell them they will have to replace me, I will no longer be able to showing complaining costumers to their seats. Perhaps its time they found them themselves. Remind the Sandman that I am here too and would appreciate some sleep. Ask him to shut my eyes, they are far too wide. Please tell Bill Gates I would love a new job, if he's offering. Somewhere I could sit with legs that have forgotten how to stand.
Tell my mother and my father, and any one else responsible, how grateful I am to have fingers and hands. Perfectly capable and whole, that allow me to speak even when words fail me. Thank them for allowing me to live and let go and learn and move on, even if I have forgotten how to stand.

Aging.

The worst part of growing up
Is knowing that you aren't young.
Can not
Run through the streets
Without pants
And be called
Adorable.
But knowing that you
Can not
Get food from the
Senior Citizen's menu
If you really wanted to.
Maybe you
Can not
even be
President
If you tried.
But you'll be held responsible
For anything you break
While playing
Tag.
At least you can get
High
If you really wanted to.
Right?