Grow Up.

"Grow Up" are two words that, when put together, make my spine tingle. Growing up may be the hardest thing we ever told to do. Growing Up may be the most common thing we are ever told to do. Growing Up is a mistake, a very commonly made mistake, the most commonly made mistake. Growing Up ruined Santa Claus, ruined magic. Growing Up took away my Hogwarts letter and burned my magic wand. Growing Up turned all of my baby dolls back into plastic. Growing Up washed away my memories and implanted new ones that may not even be real. Growing Up cut down all my forts and put trash in my stream. Growing Up made me hate people that I shouldn't hate. Growing Up took away my best friends ten times over. Growing Up gave them back to me, only to find out they weren't who I thought they were. Growing Up locked the Indian in the cupboard and never let him out again. Growing up stole my thoughts and imagination. Growing Up erased the rainbow and left the world entirely black and white. Growing Up gave the world money, alcohol, drugs, parties, sex, illness, death, war, fights, rape, violence, standardized tests, lines, equations and formulas, power, rules, and limits.

So when you tell me to Grow Up, my only logical response is to No. I won't Grow Up. You can try and make me. You can stretch me, you can pull me and you can Push me. But No, I will not Grow Up.

Last Night

I had a dream that I found the most beautiful place in the World. I walked away from my house, towards the far pond, until I found it. We found a mountain and I climbed higher than I've ever climbed before. When we reached the top we looked out over a field that seemed to never end, and I saw something lovely. There was a single deer in the field, being chased by two dogs. Two dogs that I had lost, one that I knew in reality, one only in my dream. My dog Sandy, who died a little over a month ago, was chasing the deer. I called her and she came and she was beautiful. The other dog was a stranger, but I knew her anyway. And I loved them both. And I thanked God that I found them. And I took them back home and we loved them.

Its only dreams that make me jealous of the lives that I don't live.

Part Of Your Hand

One part of your hand makes me smile. One part makes me laugh. One parts empties a container full of butterflies into my stomach, they all try to escape at the same time. One part reminds me that I am living. One part reminds me why I am living. One part brings back memories of when I was sad, another of when I was happy. One part makes me happy. One part of your hand shows me everyone who has been here before, laughs in my face, and makes me hate you. One part, the part the plays and dances and loves, makes me love you. One part tells me that I am not alone. One part whispers to me, soothes me, when I am running away from life. One part is still with me when you are gone. One part tells me you are all mine, I am all yours. One part makes me jealous. One part sings to me in the middle of the night, in the middle of the day, in the morning. One part loves me and I love it back.

Standing in your wake
How much can it take
Before the boards cave in

Hoping we don't fall
With our backs against the wall
Trying to make the boards cave in.

Looking at the scene
Saying what we mean
If what we meant to do was lie.

Above all of it
Looking at where we hit
When we landed in a place called Life.

The boys all had broken hands
As they walked from stand to stand
Trying to buy back the little they had lost.

The girls all had empty eyes
And they spoke in rhyme and lies
As they held the hands of broken boys.

The parents all were sleeping
As their children went out creeping
Into the dark and dense and quiet night.

Seeing men on bikes
And fagots and whores and dykes
Was their favorite part of the night.

They walked through open doors
To find ghosts giving tours
Of a playground with a sandbox and a swing.

They toured places they once knew
Forgotten toys, abandoned zoo,
Wishing they could remember what it was like.

They found needles in the ground,
Thought that had a nice sound,
And put them in the veins in their arms.

They saw what we couldn't see
Dug holes and climbed a tree
For hours on end.

Until the sun peeked out her head
And they wandered home to bed
Until night would come again.

The children all were sleeping
When their parents went out creeping
To wander to work and play and sex.

We rubbed our eyes in wonder
And tumbled through the thunder
In a place we learned was called Life.

It was a place God had forsaken
Yet could have been mistaken
For Paradise or Heaven or Hell.

We climbed back above the town
Then looked back down
Grateful our boards did not cave in.

To Be In-Love With The Universe

I am being eaten alive by life itself
I can feel its hands all over me
I can feel its mouth searching for more
I can feel the watering cans filling me and filling me and filling me and filling me
When I'm already full
I am a real person
With a real face
And real teeth
And real hair
And I can see how much you love everything
When I'm not there
I can look in the mirror
And be happy with who I see
But be so ashamed that I can't let me
Escape me
I can spare you the bread
And the blood
And the wine
But save me the space
And the sun
And the time
When I am not breathing
When I am full
And whole
And in love
With the universe
Don't take that away from me
Remind me of what you did
For me
And where you took me
And what you showed me
And what you taught me
And what I never knew before
And what I may never know again
Please promise you aren't lying
Please promise that the world is a real place
Fit for real people
With real thoughts
And real hair
Find your shoes
But leave them where they were
Call me son
And your brother
And your sister
And your friend
And tell me I am wasting water
It is irreplaceable
Find me a place
Where the sun doesn't set
And it lives happily
Side by side
With the moon
And thoughts are spoken
And whispered
And sung
And tell me that my life is a song
Swimming with melodies
And rhythms
Waiting to jump off the pages of my dreams
And land in a reality.