I am going to talk about myself, and talk about myself some more.

Has anything happened to you within the past month that has made you really angry?
im always really angry.

Have you ever slow danced with someone?
not seriously. never seriously.

Honestly, if you could go back one month and change something would you?
i would change many things. but none of them were decisions i made.

When was the last time you laughed really hard?
not recently enough

When you look at your cell phone do you usually have a message?
depends on how long its been since i last looked.

Do you have your own personal diary?
oh yes, but its not a diary. its a journal.
im pretty classy, Max.

Do you go tanning on a regular basis?
never.

Do you work out on a daily basis?
never.

Are you in love? Have you been?
i am. i have been. i have always been. i will always be in love with something.

What made you decide to wear the outfit you wore today?
i slept in the shirt and grabbed some pants off my floor.

Are you on your period right now?
not yet.

Are you dyslexic?
sometimes. depending on my mood and my age and the type of media i am looking at.

Is there anything you currently need to buy? If so, what?
i want a new computer game. i like computer games.
and kings of leon tickets.

Have you ever gotten alcohol poisoning?
no no

Do you have clothing that belongs to an ex?
yes

Would you prefer a kiss on the hand or neck?
if its from josh-the neck
if its from anyone else in the world- the hand

Have you ever kissed a blonde haired, blue eyed person?
i dont like the whole blonde hair thing

If the year only consisted of two seasons, which would you choose?
i couldnt. how boring life would be.

Who was your last missed call from?
josh's momma?

Do you drink coffee?
tea tea i love tea

Has a guy ever let you wear his jacket?
indeed

How long do you usually chew on a stick of gum?
too long, or maybe too short

Do you eat raw cookie dough?
only if its homemade with my homemade chicken eggs

Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed?
at some point in our lives, yes

What color did you last paint your nails?
if only i could remember

What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?
cry hysterically. and react differently depending on who that other lady is.

Are you in a good mood right now?
im in a mood.

Do you need to say anything to someone?
i need to say everything. to too many people.

Do you take compliments well?
i act extremely conceited when im complimented. on the inside im an uncomfortable and bashful little girl.

Do small children like you?
oh i hope so. i am one of them after all.

Who do you miss right now?
Madison Jessica Stephanie Katia Ethan Jesse the Christopher I knew, the Frankie and the Chelsea I once knew, Tess Gribbon, Kendra Lyons, Bethany, Ryan, Nicolo, Micheal. Everyone else I don't know anymore.

Have you held hands with anyone in the past week?
yes.

Do you sleep with one leg out from under the cover?
never, ever.

Last person you saw other than your family?
floyd jones.

What color shirt are you wearing?
white with cotton candy tye dye.

What did you go to bed thinking last night?
last night was so long ago.

What's worse, having someone mad or disappointed in you?
disappointed. people get over anger.

Last beverage?
waterr

If somebody liked you, would you want them to tell you?
maybe. i dont know.

What time did you wake up this morning?
6 50 ish

Whose car were you last in besides yours or your parents?
stephs i think

Could you go out in public looking like you do now?
i can always go in public.

What would you do if you were stranded on an island with the person you hated?
be pissed as shit. swim away probably. but i would probably punch her first.

What are you looking forward to?
i am looking forward.




And another one.


1. Do you ever tell yourself that you're awesome, or pay yourself any sort of compliment?
I know how i feel about myself, i dont need to tell me.

2. What was the last thing that you spent some serious time daydreaming about?
writing i believe.

3. Have you ever tried to learn another language? If yes, how did it go / is it going?
i wish i could. spanglish isnt enough for me.

4. What foreign culture do you find the most fascinating?
middle eastern.

5. What is one stereotype that is /somewhat/ true about your country?
were all fat and lazy.

6. The last time that you were "labeled" by someone, do you remember what they called you?
i dont know. and arts kids or something like that.

7. Who do you know that is most critical of your life? Are you critical and judgemental of how others live?
my dad probably.
Am I? no. unless how your living is making you unhappy. then you deserve to be judged.

8. Are you more likely to hate people, or to hate their actions?
hate people due to their actions.

9. Who is the most perfect person that you know (of)?
Nic Dahl.

1o. Is there a word in another language that you like using on a regular basis? What word is this?
Chico.

11. What is the most random and unique item in your closet ( clothing or otherwise ) at this time?
an old toy cash register. and a goosebumps board game. and a box full of magic cards.

12. Are there rooms in your house that you typically do not visit?
my house isnt large enough to have those. those are for rich people

13. What was the last thing you caught? How about the last thing that you threw?
eye do not remember

14. Did you sing along with the last song that you listened to?
it was about two songs ago that i sang along

15. If you ever put yourself down, what prompts you to do it?
being in a really bummed mood

16. If your boyfriend/girlfriend/bestfriend happened to agree with all the bad things you said about yourself, how would that make you feel?

they do. but i know they are joking

17. Why is everyone so eager to be perceived as "mature"?
we are all dying to grow up. and we are all dying to grow down.

18. Do you know people who claim to be mature, who actually aren't anywhere close? What do you think it means to be "mature"?
yes, i know those people. what does it mean? it doesnt mean.

19. If you believe in God, does it disturb you when someone does not? Or, if you do not believe in God, do you find religion to be an annoyance?
i love God. i dont know if i believe in him or not, but if i did i'd love hime. and if i don't, ill still love him anyway

2o. If you had the chance to move to another state ( or country ), where would you move?
Big Sur or New Zealand. Ill be there someday

21. French fries are my magical food addiction. What is yours?
potatoes. and chocolate. and fresh pineapple. and tea, if that counts

22. If you could choose between singing very well and being able to play an instrument, which would you choose?
well i've got the singing downs, but i wish i could play.

23. If public speaking is something you dislike, what is an aspect you do not like about it?
it doesnt bother me.

24. Do you ever give thought to how other people will judge you? Does this negatively or positively affect you?
i do. but then i remind myself that i dont really care.

25. What "clique" or group do you belong to, in school - if any?
i like who i like. i call it my "clique of kids i like". (i dont really call it that.)

26. What is your favorite activity to do on the last day of school?
oh, something awesome.

27. On the last day of a school break, how do you normally spend your time?
differntly. just enjoying the freedom i suppose

28. Are you allowed to visit with friends on holidays, or do you have to stay home and be around family?
i can visit friends, i like being home

29. If you have children, what is one holiday tradition to which you will introduce them?
dressing up for halloween. i know thats a given on halloween. but nothings better than that.

3o. Have you ever received/heard any good advice from a talk-show, like Dr. Phil or Oprah?
i dont know. im sure sometime in my life i have.

Everything and A Car

One hole puncher, two pairs of shoes, too many thoughts inside my head. Three pens and one journal, a back pack full of snacks. Four used CD's, one new one of a band long since dead. One camera with no memory card, four hundred and twenty three photos I forgot were ever taken. A play, a book, a dictionary, all based on the fact that words exist. One too many words I don't understand. One pillow, two blankets, and a bunny in pajamas. He will always be there. Five pairs of socks, eight pairs of underwear, two bras. One body to fill them with. Sixty five dollars and a credit card with my mother's name on it. One flashlight, three candles and a lighter. Two bottles full of water, another full of tea. Three pairs of jeans, six shirts and one toothbrush. A hair tie around my wrist. A million places to go.

To You, With Love, Coming From the Basement Appartment Of A House In the Suburb of A City That You'll Never Find

You raise me up.
You make me feel so small.
You make me feel like I can do anything,
Anything at all.
You make me feel like crying,
In a way that's not entirely bad.
You make me feel unhappy,
In a way that's not entirely sad.
You make me feel like lying
Just to make you ask again.
You make me feel like I'm going
All the places I wish I've already been.
You make me feel like loving monsters
And becoming their best friend.
You make me feel like living
And never letting it end.
You make me feel like driving
For hours through the rain.
You make me feel like I'm hurting
But it isn't entirely pain.
You make me feel like leaving
Just so that I can come back.
You fill a void of something
That I always lack.
You make me feel like a spider,
Eight legs and fifteen hundred eyes.
You make me feel like everything
Will always be a surprise.
You make me feel like forgetting
Everything I have ever known
You make me feel like the past
Is just too overgrown.
You make me feel like loving,
Something that I have never done.
You make me feel like I'm winning
Even though I already won.
You make me feel like dancing,
When my backs against the wall.
You make me feel like I can do anything,
Anything at all.

Speak Easy and Butterflies Painted Black and Blue

The world is made of little drops of water. Everything. is made of little drops of water. If you look hard enough, everything is cellophane. If you look hard enough, you can even see through the tress. If you look hard enough, when you speak you can see the words. They are spelled out in little drops of water sailing through the air until they land in an ear. Little drops of water in the shapes of words, spelling out even I-Love-You. Everything. is made of little drops of water. The things that I have fallen in-love with are water. A cat I discovered is my soul mate is made of little drops of water, but he is a bit less invisible than the rest. He is solid and real and cleans his water paws with his water tongue and his water teeth. But he is real. The gravestones in the graveyard etched with words and sayings reminding us of a human who once was, the gravestones are made of little drops of water. More water than the rest, but translucent all the same. The people I know, the people I love, the people I hate are made of little drops of water. If you look hard enough, they are cellophane. If you look even harder, you can see them. You can see their mind and their thoughts and their heart and what it is made of. You have to look hard. When you look hard enough, you might not like what you see. When you don't like what the little drops of water spell out for you, what shape the heart is that they create, the little drops of water fill you with angst and anxiety and anger. The little drops of water fill you until you are drowning and they begin to spill out of your water eyes. Until you are so full of these little drops of water that you overflow and they spill out over your edges. If you aren't careful, they can make quite a mess. You scream and you yell and you create floods and hurricanes composed of a thousand drops of water, drowning everything you love. You create water words you never intended to create, say words you never meant to say.
And then comes the calm.
And then comes the calm, and this calm is made up of water too. Clear and cleansing water, baptizing your soul and watering flowers with the water left over from the flood. Then you speak easy, creating words made out of crystal water, so cool and fresh that God could mistake it for His own tears. Perhaps it is God's tears. You create a thousand soggy apologies made out of little drops of water. And you notice the Butterflies that someone painted black and blue. The Butterflies that, if they weren't so beautiful, could be mistaken for a bruise. The solid Butterflies, filled in with silk and a sand, but never any water. They are the truth and they are the beauty that every human desires to acquire. But I think, if you look hard enough. I mean really, really hard, every human already is the truth and the beauty, they just wrap it up in cellophane and feed it to their dog.

Disappointed In Me

I know
I should clean my room and stop drinking beer
You told me already,
I can hear.
I know
I should quit smoking and start working out
You told me already,
You don't have to shout.
I know
I shouldn't yell and slam the doors.
You told me already,
I should start doing chores.
I know
I broke your heart and did something wrong
You told me already,
I've known all along.
I know
I drink too much soda and waste too much time.
You told me already,
But at least its not wine.
I know
You are disappointed in what you see
But it means a lot more
Coming from me.

Remember To Listen To The Sounds Your Fingers Make.

I can't decide if I hate sleeping or if sleeping hates me. I think its a mutual disliking for each other. But believe me, it sort of sucks being on the Sand Man's bad side.

If I Ran The Zoo

If I ran the zoo
I'd let the animals free
And replace in the cages
Humans like me
The humans would dance
With knots in their hair
Lions would stop
And watch them and stare
Monkeys would throw
Fruit in the cages
To feed hungry humans
Of all different ages
The babies would cry
As the animals poke
On their fat little tummies
To make them a joke
The old men would yell
At a silly sports game
The one who does tricks
Gains fortune and fame
The elephants pay him
With peanuts and rice
And beer on Sundays
If he plays nice
Behind the glass walls
Where the humans all stay
The animals watch
At night as they prey
On each other
Every one
We don't believe it
But they're having fun
Screaming and yelling
Wrestling on the ground
Men on women
And ecstasy sound
Or maybe its pain
Or anger or love
The animals eat popcorn
And watch from above
If I ran the zoo
I'd let the animals free
They are so much tamer
Than humans like me.

Scales

I am not sad I missed the days when black was the only color there was. I am sad I am missing the future. I am not sad I missed the days when you were in-love. I am sad you held her hand. I am not sad I missed you as a child. I am sad I'll miss you as an old man. I am not sad she has a face. I am sad she has a face that you want. I am not sad I am not sleeping. I am sad because of the reasons I can't sleep. I am not sad to say goodbye to you. I am sad it will be so long before I say hello. I am not sad she wears cheap socks with holes the in knees. I am sad that I don't and that you like them. I am not sad that they are in-love. I am sad that he eats my cookies. I am not sad that they aren't in-love. I am sad that it keeps me from sleeping. I am not sad that he left. I am sad because I am scared everyone else will. I am not sad he doesn't understand. I am sad he doesn't try to. I am not sad you listen to your music too loud. I am sad you don't listen when I'm screaming. I am not sad I don't have her face. I am sad because I wish I did. I am not sad you asked me to grow up. I am sad you think anyone needs to. I am not sad because my make-up is running. My make-up is running because I am sad.

Templeton

She was in-love with the idea of a hand,
The idea that a hand could cook her dinner
At home
And light candles
And sprinkle roses on the bedroom floor.
She was in-love with the idea that a hand
Could rub her back
And zip up her dress
Before that same hand led her onto the dance floor.
She was in-love with the idea
That that hand could unzip her dress
After a long night of dancing
And make her feel more loved than ever before in her life.
She was in-love with the idea of a hand,
The idea that a hand could hold her own hand,
Could wrap her hand up in a blanket
Of ease and forgetfulness
That made her smell chocolate covered roses and fresh cut grass.
She was in-love with the idea of a hand,
A hand attached to an arm
Attached to a man.
She was in-love with the idea
That a man's hand could be
Just what she needed
To be complete
And full.
But in the end, it was an idea
And not a hand
Or a man
That she loved.

Discomfort.

There are things inside of me that are trying to escape but they don't know how. I don't know how to let them go. They scratch on the inside of my skull but I don't know how to help them. I want them out of me just as much as they want to be. I don't know what to tell them.
If I couldn't swim I don't know what I'd do. I would drown probably. I would drown trying to stay under the water. It eases my mind. Feeling the water all around my skin makes me know I'm alive and that mermaids do exist. And if mermaids exist, then what doesn't?
Seeing a monster doesn't help the discomfort at all. Seeing a monster makes the things inside of me scratch harder and desperately, but believe me, I know how much they want to escape. Seeing a monster makes me crawl under the covers and cry until I forget why I'm crying and I peek and see the monster again. Then I go back under the covers. And I can't breathe when I'm under the covers. I breathe much better under water. The monsters make me sick and don't let me breathe. Lucky they can't swim.
Speaking from experience, CDs given are hit or miss. Wonderful for 35 seconds but then you realize the music attracts the monsters and you turn down your speakers and hide under the sheets. Lets hope your not in a car.
I just wonder if life is as big and as important as we pretend it is.
All things considered, mine is pretty wonderful. I hope yours is too.

The World Is A Circle

The World is a circle.
In it you find circles
and circles
and circles
All intertwined
And one.
That is the girl you went to second grade with
And she is dating your mom's boyfriend's son
And he used to go to school with
The boy at the checkout counter
And he once got sushi with a girl named Isabelle
And she knows that girl you went to second grade with.
And that girl, the one you went to second grade with,
She is missing something.
Its a stopwatch she found on the ground at the zoo.
That stopwatch, the one that that girl that you went to second grade with found on the ground at the zoo,
Well that stopwatch once belonged to Mark's grandfather,
He lost it at the zoo,
So he was missing something.
And now that girl, the one you went to second grade with,
Is missing something too.
And that something that that girl lost, that stopwatch, is in the hands of you.
You didn't know that girl is missing something, or that Mark's grandfather is missing something,
You just found a stopwatch on the ground at the supermarket where that boy at the checkout counter, the one who got sushi with Isabelle, works.
So your up one thing while Mark's grandfather and that girl are both missing something.
And who is Mark?
Well, Mark is the boy that your in-love with,
Whose in-love with your best friend,
Who happens to be very good friends with Isabelle too.
So here you are, heartbroken with one fine stopwatch,
Not knowing that the boy at the checkout counter has been dying to get your number
Ever since you purchased a bag of gluten free pretzels
(He can't eat that stuff either).
And so you see your life is a circle
Full of smaller circles
And larger circles
All connected and intertwined
Making a beautiful pattern
Similar to that of the stars,
Only different and full of more circles
And less glowing balls of fire.
But still, the world is a circle
And She knows it.

Faith.

I do believe in fairies. In pixies and magic and stardust.

I do believe in the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
I do believe in bathtubs. In forgiveness and in rain and in stars.
I do believe the sidewalk ends.
I do believe in haircuts, in freedom, in growing it all out.
I do believe in thinking.
I do believe in Harry Potter, in Narnia, in Frodo and Sam.
I do believe in jokes.
I do believe in friendship, in ignorance, in looking past.
I do believe the future is in the past.
I do believe in heroes, in heroines, in black presidents and in women ruling the world.
I do believe in joy.
I do believe in ever color of the rainbow and in every color in between.
I do believe that people are noticing.
i do believe in photography, even if it steals your soul.
I do believe in the soul.
I do believe in histories and memories and prayer.
I do believe in a lifetime supply of Mac and Cheese.
I do believe in television, mostly in Food Network.
I do believe that math is for someone, but not for me.
I do believe in Sirens in the water, in Mermaids in the water, in Love in the water.
I do believe in sharing your ideas.
I do believe in spreading your arms and jumping.
I do believe in home cooked meals and in drive throughs.
I do believe in marriage.
I do believe in the color blue.
I do believe in eating your veggies, your fruit, your Oreos too.
I do believe in getting off the map.
I do believe in living and in loving.
I do believe in fairies, I do, I do.