I am not a woman. I do not wear makeup or flaunt my chest. I do not paint my nails.
I am not a woman. I do not dedicate to myself to one man who dictates how I live and what I wear. I enjoy touching whoever I like.
I am not a woman. I find sex enjoyable and do not cover my body when I am nude.
I am not a woman. I am not afraid to look like a fool in front of a crowd, I do not watch Gray's Anatomy, and I never swooned over Zac Effron.
I am not a woman. I am afraid of being in love. I have extreme issues with commitment.
I am not a woman. I do not read tabloids or care about celebrity children.
I am not a woman. I do not have low self esteem, and I don't know how to do laundry.
I am not a woman. I do not want to tear you down.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
something inside crackles. something inside shakes
when the world gets in the way.
something inside burns
you can hear it you can feel it
keeping you always on edge
wondering when the house will catch on fire.
i wasn't born the way i became
i was born solid,
i couldn't move through walls.
I Have Changed.
Nothing else ever happened
The whole time we sat with our legs crossed
our arms folded neatly across our heads
i didn't change anything but slowly became you.
i only jumped off the bridge because my mother asked me to.
it isn't my fault you followed suit.
i started losing sight of when i was separate from you
our insides caught on fire
and melted us together,
like two candlesticks sharing one flame.
i wasn't inlove with insanity until normalcy left me bored.
it isn't my fault you went insane just to fulfill my desire.
you lit me on fire.
i burned
and burned the house down.
we all caught on fire.
it isn't my fault you followed suit.
when the world gets in the way.
something inside burns
you can hear it you can feel it
keeping you always on edge
wondering when the house will catch on fire.
i wasn't born the way i became
i was born solid,
i couldn't move through walls.
I Have Changed.
Nothing else ever happened
The whole time we sat with our legs crossed
our arms folded neatly across our heads
i didn't change anything but slowly became you.
i only jumped off the bridge because my mother asked me to.
it isn't my fault you followed suit.
i started losing sight of when i was separate from you
our insides caught on fire
and melted us together,
like two candlesticks sharing one flame.
i wasn't inlove with insanity until normalcy left me bored.
it isn't my fault you went insane just to fulfill my desire.
you lit me on fire.
i burned
and burned the house down.
we all caught on fire.
it isn't my fault you followed suit.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
No one cares.
How late did you stay up last night and why?
around one in the a.m. because i was reading and disappointing myself
What's the relationship between you and the last person you texted?
he's my lovin muffin
Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
it continues to shock me every day
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
my dear friend nikki
Last person to send you a myspace message?
ooh some stranger danger probably, but i really don't know
Whose bed did you sleep in last night?
the same one i have slept in for the past 15 years
Have you hugged anyone in the last week?
why yes i have
Do you miss anyone?
i miss everyone. literally. currently i m ridiculously alone
What does your 8th text message say?
Mhm :). we weren't sexting i swear
What are you excited about?
getting out of town
Plans for tonight?
play my little mandolin and read a book that makes me hate myself
What are you doing tomorrow?
driving. going to mother's house. driving. going to school. going to rehearsal. driving. going to work. driving. going to mother's house.
Do you like to cuddle?
if i like the person i'm cuddling with! and if they don't smell bad!
What are your plans for the next weekend?
heading to philadelphia. eating at max brenners. going to a party. heading to brooklyn. seeing my future place of education. heading to manhattan. seeing HAIRR!!!! heading to philadelphia. heading home.
Did you ever lose a friend?
thats like asking if i ever lost a fish. of course i have
What are you doing right now?
doing this. and nothing else.
What is the background on your phone?
a very happy, yet caged, lion
What's the last thing you had to drink?
tea! but it tasted like a strange assortment of spices
What was the last thing you ate?
donuts!
Ever go camping?
yes i love it with all my heart. i plan on living while camping when i grow up...if you know what i mean
Are you someone's best friend?
i believe that i am
Do you have a dog?
not anymore
Do you like birds?
some of them yes
Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
high school! and that i am not watching glee
Have you spoken to your mother today?
why yes for a few minutes
When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings?
ummmmmmmmmm friday?
Are you happy?
i am not.
Where were you an hour ago?
same place i am now. sort of.
Do you have any tattoos/piercings?
my izears. im extremely normal looking.
Do you drink water?
i do drink water
Will you be in a relationship 4 months from now?
the very end of one. it scares me terribly.
Does anyone love you?
i believe so.
Do you fall for people easily?
no not at all
Do you care if people hate you for no reason?
well. no. i do not care how most people think of me
What are you wearing?
pants shirt bra undies!
Do you remember your dreams?
most of them i do
Do you have any text messages saved on your phone?
why yes i do
Where was your default pic taken?
ra ra deep creek lake ra ra
What is your current mood?
going insane
What's your favorite color?
green! and red! i really dig those christmas decorations
If you could go back in time and change something, would you?
i would forget to forgive people so damn easily
Do you have a crazy side?
i don't have an un-crazy side. its a problem sometimes
Ever had a near-death experience?
not really no
Some things you do a lot?
sing
Angry at anyone?
no. not really.
What's stopping you from going for the person you like?
space and time
When is the last time you cried?
almost today. but i saved it.
Who would you do anything for?
my sister
What kind of phone do you have?
chocolate 3
Are you happy with your life?
not really. sort of.
around one in the a.m. because i was reading and disappointing myself
What's the relationship between you and the last person you texted?
he's my lovin muffin
Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
it continues to shock me every day
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
my dear friend nikki
Last person to send you a myspace message?
ooh some stranger danger probably, but i really don't know
Whose bed did you sleep in last night?
the same one i have slept in for the past 15 years
Have you hugged anyone in the last week?
why yes i have
Do you miss anyone?
i miss everyone. literally. currently i m ridiculously alone
What does your 8th text message say?
Mhm :). we weren't sexting i swear
What are you excited about?
getting out of town
Plans for tonight?
play my little mandolin and read a book that makes me hate myself
What are you doing tomorrow?
driving. going to mother's house. driving. going to school. going to rehearsal. driving. going to work. driving. going to mother's house.
Do you like to cuddle?
if i like the person i'm cuddling with! and if they don't smell bad!
What are your plans for the next weekend?
heading to philadelphia. eating at max brenners. going to a party. heading to brooklyn. seeing my future place of education. heading to manhattan. seeing HAIRR!!!! heading to philadelphia. heading home.
Did you ever lose a friend?
thats like asking if i ever lost a fish. of course i have
What are you doing right now?
doing this. and nothing else.
What is the background on your phone?
a very happy, yet caged, lion
What's the last thing you had to drink?
tea! but it tasted like a strange assortment of spices
What was the last thing you ate?
donuts!
Ever go camping?
yes i love it with all my heart. i plan on living while camping when i grow up...if you know what i mean
Are you someone's best friend?
i believe that i am
Do you have a dog?
not anymore
Do you like birds?
some of them yes
Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
high school! and that i am not watching glee
Have you spoken to your mother today?
why yes for a few minutes
When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings?
ummmmmmmmmm friday?
Are you happy?
i am not.
Where were you an hour ago?
same place i am now. sort of.
Do you have any tattoos/piercings?
my izears. im extremely normal looking.
Do you drink water?
i do drink water
Will you be in a relationship 4 months from now?
the very end of one. it scares me terribly.
Does anyone love you?
i believe so.
Do you fall for people easily?
no not at all
Do you care if people hate you for no reason?
well. no. i do not care how most people think of me
What are you wearing?
pants shirt bra undies!
Do you remember your dreams?
most of them i do
Do you have any text messages saved on your phone?
why yes i do
Where was your default pic taken?
ra ra deep creek lake ra ra
What is your current mood?
going insane
What's your favorite color?
green! and red! i really dig those christmas decorations
If you could go back in time and change something, would you?
i would forget to forgive people so damn easily
Do you have a crazy side?
i don't have an un-crazy side. its a problem sometimes
Ever had a near-death experience?
not really no
Some things you do a lot?
sing
Angry at anyone?
no. not really.
What's stopping you from going for the person you like?
space and time
When is the last time you cried?
almost today. but i saved it.
Who would you do anything for?
my sister
What kind of phone do you have?
chocolate 3
Are you happy with your life?
not really. sort of.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
I wish I had genius inspiration growing from my bones. Like, inside my bones, if instead of marrow I had inspiration, I would find it much easier to breathe.
Sometime, I don't like looking at or listening to really beautiful things because they make me want. They make me want to be within them, surrounded by them, a part of them. They make me want my life to be the sounds the words the images the colors. They make me want to melt into the sun and wake up only when I am satisfied with living outside of the picture book.
I was not born an octopus, with eight legs made for running and skipping and swimming and spitting ink in people's eyes, even though squids do that. I was not born a colossal squid, with giant eyeballs and the ability to live in the deepest depths of the ocean, with hooks on my limbs and a beak hidden somewhere beneath them all.
I was not born with the biggest eyeballs in the universe.
All good things come from New Zealand.
Was I alive in the 1920's? Was I a flapper with a dress that zig-zagged from side to side and made men notice me singing from a picture on the wall. Was I a model in the 1920's wearing long skirts and hats that fit better than they could today?
Did I witness the first man on the moon?
Sometime, I don't like looking at or listening to really beautiful things because they make me want. They make me want to be within them, surrounded by them, a part of them. They make me want my life to be the sounds the words the images the colors. They make me want to melt into the sun and wake up only when I am satisfied with living outside of the picture book.
I was not born an octopus, with eight legs made for running and skipping and swimming and spitting ink in people's eyes, even though squids do that. I was not born a colossal squid, with giant eyeballs and the ability to live in the deepest depths of the ocean, with hooks on my limbs and a beak hidden somewhere beneath them all.
I was not born with the biggest eyeballs in the universe.
All good things come from New Zealand.
Was I alive in the 1920's? Was I a flapper with a dress that zig-zagged from side to side and made men notice me singing from a picture on the wall. Was I a model in the 1920's wearing long skirts and hats that fit better than they could today?
Did I witness the first man on the moon?
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